I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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