I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
