I faked an abortion last night.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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