Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
