you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
