Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
