On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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