winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
