I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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