I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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