I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
