What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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