You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
