Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
