I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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