I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
