Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
