Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I looked at my own cervix.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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