shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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