Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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