So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
