I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
