Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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