he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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