Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
