i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
