I never want to see another naked old woman again.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
