you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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