Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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