This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
