And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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