; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
