and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
