Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize