I should be sponsored by Trojan
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
