I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize