My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
They took my balls.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
