I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize