Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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