Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize