Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
