i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
