It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
