Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm having to shit out rocks
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
