Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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