I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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