Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
