I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
