I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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