I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
