i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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