It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
