so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
