They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
