theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
