my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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