Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
