apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
