i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
