You made me cry and you don't even care
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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