Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
