He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If I die, sorry about rent.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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