you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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