somebody snuck up and got me drunk
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
