a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Randomize
