youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
high people should be assigned attendants
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
