i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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