It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize