I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
