so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize