sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
