I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
